Questions & Responses (answers)
I've chosen 'responses' rather than the traditional 'answers' because as we grow up we develop the notion there are specific answers to our questions - e.g. 2 + 2 = 4. It's a fixed answer.
In life I've found that many problems stem from a dogmatic black & white view - I'm right, you're wrong! A more lenient view comes with seeing life in shades of grey. A closer look will reveal it's the mind that wants to categorize, classify and pigeon hole everythingm but life is a continuum.
Responses come to mind following a question. It's not 'the' answer but 'an' answer. A different person asking the same question, or the same person asking it a different time will illicit quite a different, but no less accurate, response.
Q. You are a keen student of Advaita Vedanta, a philosophy that I have enjoyed for many years. I'm curious, when you say, "Notice the times in the day when there are no thoughts happening ...," when you become aware of that time, you are having the thought, "I'm having no thoughts." Therefore, aren't you thinking?
A. This is a crucial area here. Actually if you watch closely you can see that you can be aware of there being no thoughts - even without the thought 'I'm not thinking'. Yes you're right that if you think 'I'm not thinking' then you would be thinking, but I'm talking about the observation when there are no thoughts at all, just mental silence. Often a thought might pop in then. But if you become more familiar with this 'up close & personal' aspect of your life you'll notice that it's possible to be, without thought. If fact you are, with or without thought. Thoughts and memories come up later, but they are not you. When you get to watch the silence in-between thoughts you will notice that you still exist and then it's a matter of 'time' before it hits you that you are that awareness. Thoughts continue but from then on you don't exclusively identify with them. Then the seeking, suffering, questions & doubts stop, you have found what you've been looking for (which was never lost) and, as they say, you are home. Then there is the rock solid knowing what (not who) you really are.
Right now you are awareness, you are the Buddha mind, but you've become identified with appearances, thoughts, memories, feelings etc. This brings in anguish or suffering of some sort. You become a seeker to resolve this suffering.
Awareness itself, is seeking itself.
Q. What interested me much is where you have said (in your website) " you knew you were awareness but had not reached the point of no return". That seems to be the case here.
A. Yes, in my last weeks I would drive to work (through very quiet country roads and there were often no thoughts for long periods of time) and it was quite clear that I was totally present even without thoughts. Ramesh used the borrowed term 'intuitive apperception' - perception by no-one. I read and of course learned and formed a mental picture of what I thought was being pointed to, by Advaita, but also knew it was only intellectual. The last 'intuitive' leap, of 'no return', is out of our hands. It's like when we have a problem and just can't work it out and then suddenly while not even thinking about it the answer just pops up. No effort was needed, in fact often the effort is what's preventing it.
Q. (continuing) Many times there is a sort of ease about things, life is not as turbulent as it used to be
but every time, there is the reading of stuff like "boundless peace, absolute freedom and strange beauty", deep down it is known that is how it must be but that is not clearly seen and then this wanting arises!
So, the next question that pops up is "so what next" and when will there be the point of no return?
A. These sorts of comments can be dangerous to the mind. The mind wants an experience - a bigger, better, faster & stronger experience than the last one. That's where drug addicts get lost - first they don't want the experience they have and try to avoid it with a drug - very nice but now there has to be more, and more drugs, and it's a slippery slope. Yes, life is easy when we understand it's not in our (the human) hands. All of this and - deep down it is known that is how it must be but that is not clearly seen and then this wanting arises! are arising thoughts in awareness.
Awareness is not an experience, awareness registers an experience and so the normal experience of humanness goes on, as before, and for the same reasons. Knowing this gives a peace though, a knowing that all is well. Ah! "So what next?" - classical mind stuff.